Preparing for difficult times

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Yesterday I had a phone call from someone who I’ve known for a long time. Their OH who did all the admin had a stroke and was in hospital. This had left a massive problem of lack of knowledge on how to do the most straightforward things.
They have two daughters who have stepped forward so I don’t feel it is appropriate for me to get involved BUT it did get me thinking.
I do all the stuff, OH does all the mechanical things. We have noone who could help. He often says he doesn’t know how I cope with it all.
So now I’m wondering what is the best way forward. So many things need a phone app. Some things are process based like the tax return.
Others like health/health insurance are normally simple but can become complicated if something really unusual occurs like a hospital admission.

I’m going to have a go at addressing this. Has anyone else felt the need or done something similar ?

[Blaze]

We haven't been through anything like that but are aware that as we get older, we should know what to do if such a situation should arise.

I have a copy of a "What to do if something happens list" which someone either on this forum or another wrote and it contains information which could be useful in the event of a stroke or other disability or at worst, death. It's vey comprehensive.

OH has written a paper for me on what to do if anything happens to him. He also has my details.
It's useful to have all references written down somewhere : bank, insurance, mutuelle etc. Don't imagine for a moment that burglars are going to rifle through papers looking for your bank details or a list of passwords, particularly if they're filed under something obscure and boring. You could leave a copy of this list in an envelope with your notaire.
Make sure your wills are sorted out.

[hughnique]

It is a subject that has reared it's head in our household, we are both early '70s and you just don't know, we have just the one son now who lives in the UK and frankly would not have a scooby do as to what the procedures are. I deal with all the administrative work and have compiled a book of access to accounts etc with the relevant passwords, but explain as I might, of the way to access things, it's in one ear and out the other. It is going to be a case as to who goes first as far as we are concerned. Some years back a local English woman passed away, and her group of fellow ex pats rallied around to assist with proceedings, as the family were all UK residents, and on the face of it were pleased that they could rely on someone on the scene, however, it is alleged tat said departed woman was a keen fan of this Swarovski glass, and had a huge collection, some of which was still boxed, needless to say that supposedly disappeared, presumably carved up amongst the "helpers". That same old mentality of stupidity surfaced when one of the helpers changed her profile Facebook picture and was seen now holding a fantastic piece of said glassware. Just who can you trust.

[MAD87]

In France, there is always someone official with the knowledge and/or capacity to assist or do what needs to be done on your behalf - the mairie is the first port of call. That's what we pay them for.

I've told OH to ask our children to sort things out if I pop my clogs before he does, which I'm sure I will do. They're all admirable fixers.
Crossed with Blaze - I confess I haven't thought about pws - he has a pw to get into his mac, I've never bothered, but I have a pw text file...

[niemeyjt]

I have copied all bank cards etc so Mrs N knows where the dosh was/is.

Next step - power of attorney - not sure how it works in France.

[Polarengineer]

I too am concerned about who goes first.
I have shared my clog popping list before on some forums which is not all my work, but forget where it originated (anyone need this file contact me pm) I have never had any feedback corrections to this list so it should be complete, but then getting feedback after it’s traumatic use for real is not on most people’s minds.
At home, mrs P-E runs the bank so I could easily pick that up, but if I pop first mrs will be lumbered with all my technical work to keep the house running. To this end, I am frantically trying to write instruction manuals for the heat pump (home made controls), electrical tableaux (7 off) internet system and fibre line to the remote mill and all that good stuff.
I am really looking for a younger fella to take over all this for her, but there doesn’t seem to be many clever clogs about that are not already snapped up these days. It needs a sort of Tinder for techies site.

[demi]

Sadly I have been through it - but in the UK. OH & I had both listed all our passwords which was a great help & had wills.

I was advised to inform all insurance companies of his death asap or your insurance can be invalid, even if it is in joint names. Obviously I don't know if this applies in France, but worth finding out.

I was doing all this during lockdown so relied on the phone. Banks, building societies, insurance companies & work pensions all had a dedicated bereavement team who were very helpful.

I had nothing but enormous kindness & sympathy from every official I dealt with.

And having so much to do helped me with grieving.

[niemeyjt]

Just avoid any dealings with Barclays Bank before you die.

Mind you, they did pay £200 compo in the end for all the hassles they gave me over Dad's estate.

[MAD87]

I did our reciprocal English wills after having a translation client who had to pay us an arm and a leg to translate the FR probate doument to collect just £5k capital in the UK. No need here as we did a marriage contract which enables the FR side to be dealt with easily. Easy enough to download a simple GB will from tinternet, provided there aren't children from a previous marriage.

[Sparkle]

Years ago we went for a meal at a friend's home with others including one British couple in their late sixties that we'd not met before. Later that evening the husband had disappeared. OH went to look for him and found him outside crying. He asked him what was wrong. The chappy replied my wife does everything and now she's very ill and I don't speak French, I don't understand how to do the tax return (paper one at the time) or anything else in the way of French paperwork. At that time my OH did everything to do with French admin and so it hit me hard that if something happened to him I'd be in the same way. With that thought I took over everything - easy it wasn't but I was determined and now I do the lot although I don't always get to grip with the tax form which is why I sometimes ask you forumers for help. My French is much better now than at that time so that helps and again it made me get on with my French lessons. The chappy eventually suffered from dementia, his wife couldn't cope and they returned to the UK where he went into a home and has since died - so sad.